One Theory Regarding why Altruistic People have more Sex: Seduction is Inherently Selfless

Over the course of the past month, the Internet has been thoroughly interested in a new study published by Steven Arnocky, PhD in the British Journal of Psychology. According to his research both men and women who self-rate themselves as being higher in altruistic qualities have more dating, casual and long term sex partners. Even when social desirability factors where taken into consideration, altruistic behavior predicted more dating, casual and long-term sex partners for men and more casual partners for women. Yet, the article was not able to conclude why this is the case.   It surmised that from an evolutionary standpoint, men in hunter-gather societies who shared their food displayed altruistic behavior by sharing their food with other without expecting anything in return.

To me, this sounds exactly like what seduction is supposed to be.

Over the years, the so-called “seduction community” has made a lot of money providing socially awkward individuals with the tools or the rules to better understand women. Yet, what has transpired has been a growing population of men trained to operate from an inherently selfish place, often expecting women to fall to their feet if they successful execute a specific strategy properly.

Not only is this ridiculous but it does a disservice to both men and women by circumventing the opportunity to actually learn what drives attraction and desire. While many may argue that the secret to the seduction community is its focus on short term versus long term mating strategies, research as reported above shed new light on what many women seek even in a casual hook up. Is it then possible to think about seduction as it is meant to truly be – a skill to lead someone along, not exploit others, in an effort to altruistically give someone what he or she wants without the expectation of something in return? Could it really be that men, who selflessly give women what they desire without the selfish expectation of sex in return (and dare I say enjoy this), actually do better with women in the short term as well as long term and vice versa?

In my opinion, I believe they do.

We have long known from an evolutionary standpoint that women are attracted to men who possess resources and are generous with those resources. Altruism would have then developed as a trait to increase the likelihood of increased mate selection for men. In modern times, hunting has turned into displays of financial wealth. As modern women, however, have become more financially independent, they too have grown more attuned to men who showcase wealth for ulterior motives versus men who are selfless givers. Their desires have grown past simple financial security and they are on guard for men who may want them solely for a sexual encounter.

In today’s world, women are looking for more than a hot body and someone who throws their money around to serve his own ego. They are inherently attracted to men who may find a few moments to volunteer for a cause he is passionate about or is dedicating part of his career to a philanthropic cause. The proof is in the millennial generation’s value of authenticity over status.

Simply building a lifestyle is no longer enough. One must have passion and desire to put the needs of others before their own.

To be truly seductive in our modern age, men need to move beyond simple “tips and tricks” and truly cultivate a life that a woman would like to be a part of. Altruism, therefore, collaborates nicely with seduction as a social skill, and begins to take the focus off of doing for others to feed your ego and moves it to doing for others for the sake of the larger community. While we can argue that altruistic behavior may be part of a long term initial investment that does later lead to getting one’s need met, the person with true altruism and seduction skills understands that sometimes an investment does not produce a return and that is still okay. Both men and women appreciate others who are emotionally open enough to invest and not expect something in return.

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a dating coach and seduction expert.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  She a dating coach based in NYC and a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, dating, divorce, and relationships.

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