When you are living a life you love, you become infinitely more seductive to other people and less prone to being a victim of a manipulative pick up artist.  – Jennifer B. Rhodes, PsyD

Is your date playing games?

One of the complaints I hear from all of my clients is that they are tired of “game playing.” They are tired of someone’s “hot and cold” behavior, someone who comes on too strongly in the beginning and then ghosts them, or someone who does not seem to know what they want. At this stage of my work with a client, I empathize with their frustration but I also push them to understand that their date’s dating behavior is conveying useful data. In fact, it can be quite easy to deduce whether someone is really playing games or is simply scared of being in a new relationship. This information is invaluable and should guide your personal dating strategy and help you understand what seduction actually is.

The Date who Seems too Direct, Put Together, and Utterly Different

Recently, I had a conversation with a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend to date other women. He remarked that he was always very direct about his intentions and made it clear to a woman immediately that he was interested. This was indeed new behavior for him and while he was making an attempt to flirt with me, I reminded him that the Rake’s character does not falter when a women shows a lack of interest. He stopped to think and his insecurities were revealed. I knew that he never persisted with a woman in the face of unclear signals and he would not persist with me. He is a nice guy trying to figure out a new way to interact with women.

The man who is confident, direct, and makes his intentions known is considered the Rake. Women love the honesty because they are tired of anti-seductive men who complain about everything. Further, what makes the honesty work is the man’s real and intense desire to have that particular woman. Without the desire, the directness comes off a controlling. The true seductive character, however, thrives off of unclear or “yellow light” signals. As a woman, your best bet is to play hard to get. If he stops pursuing you, you will immediately see his selfish nature.    I do, however, want to be clear – there is a distinct line between a man pursuing a woman who is unsure if she wants to date him and a man pursuing a woman who is clearly communicating “don not pursue me.”  A person who pushes your boundaries when you have clearly  communicated you are not interested is not seductive and possibly dangerous.    Keep yourself safe and do not ignore obvious red flags.

The Traits of the Siren:  A Classic Feminine Seductive Character

Women can play this character as well but are more prone to display traits of a Siren. While the Rake seduces with words the Siren seduces visually. She represents the male fantasy – a highly sensual and yet self-confident woman who displays a touch of danger. Men fall for her easily and I often hear my male clients chasing down these women (rather than courting a relationship oriented woman) because they have been physically mesmerized and intrigued by her energy. To a group of men, the Siren stands apart from all the other women. She is different and easily seduces a room full of men by just being present.

Seductive Characters May Be a Distraction

When you are dating, you will likely cross paths with these characters. You will see your friends fall for the inappropriate versions of these characters.   They are the ultimate forms of distraction if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you find yourself chasing one of them, stop and ask if you are really ready for a real relationship. Falling for fantasy usually indicates some dissatisfaction with your current life. For example, highly intellectual men often fall for the Siren because they have not had much fun or lived life to the fullest extent possible. These women are filling a void and if you can recognize what is happening, you may be able to use the situation for your own personal growth rather than fall victim to these seductive characters.  The antidote to this distraction is to start living the life you want now.

Dating Coach and Seduction Expert


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