What Does “Picky” Really Mean When it Comes to using your Dating Apps?


In regards to dating, the word “picky” is open to two interpretations: 1) Quick to judge, and 2) Having standards and deal breakers.


Both have their pros and cons when it comes to turning on your dating apps.

On the one hand, we don’t want to waste our time on someone we know we aren’t going to like very much. But, on the other hand, we might overlook a great catch based on a superficial reason (especially in the 500-character, swipe left/right environment).

More often than not I bet we are all too SUPERFICIALLY picky, and if that’s the case, a little self-awareness could help us determine whether or not we are passing over a great opportunity for a superficial reason.


Want to know if you’re too picky? Let’s find out.

What type of “picky” are you?

Are you the judgmental one or the high standards one? Little bit of both? No matter which you are, you might also be the one who doesn’t want Mr. Right to pass you by. So, what do you do about it?  I suggest really and truly thinking about what it is you desire before you swipe left or right.  If you have a list a mile long of absolute deal breakers – you are being superficially too picky!!  Try to use the following questions to help you pick you top 3.

What are your intentions?

Do you want to meet as many people as you can and just “have a good time” or, do you I want to find someone with whom you hope to build a genuine long-term connection?  You have to know what you want in order to find him or her!

Who have you dated before?

What did you like about that person and what didn’t you like? What did you like about yourself while with them and what didn’t you like? What ended up not bothering you about that person that you thought would bother you? What did bother you about that person that you thought wouldn’t?

What are your core values?

Do you value brains over brawn? Do you value having casual contact instead of genuine friendship? Do you value being treated with respect over being with someone you consider to have a perfect body? Do you value sex over companionship and friendship? How do you want to be judged by them? What do you consider valuable about yourself and what do you REALLY want in a partner?  So many people do not know the answer to this question and without it you WILL default to superficial pickiness as a way of handling all of the online options.  Take the time to find out who you are so you know what you want!

Lydia’s Wisdom:

Once you start to figure out the answers to these questions you’ll get closer to picking the right guy in the dating pool line up. The beauty of online dating is that there is always someone else. It doesn’t work out with one person, re-evaluate all the above, log back on, and look for the one who is going to make you truly happy.

Behind a dating profile is an actual real person, give him a chance. You never know. – Lydia Kociuba, MS

Lydia Kociuba, M.S.

Lydia Kociuba, M.S.

Lead Online Dating Consultant

Lydia Kociuba, M.S. has an eclectic background in world travel, counseling, data research, and creative writing. Having lived and traveled abroad she has valuable knowledge and insight into culture and human nature. Her experiences along with her education in counseling have complemented her natural ability to be open-minded and accepting of others. As a hobby creative writer she recently began her own business writing online dating profiles. As a seasoned online dater herself she knows what it takes to have a profile stand out in a crowd.  Lydia received her masters degree in counseling from the University of Rochester, Margaret Warner Graduate School of Education and Human Development.

Lydia is currently Rapport’s lead online dating consultant.  She can be reached at Lydia@RapportRelationships.com.

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