Healing is not an easy or inexpensive process. It is the process of undoing one’s cultural conditioning and trusting that what is left, is worth the time and effort. It truly is a leap of faith. I believe that we are all here for a reason but we often don’t get to discover that reason without having our a$* handed to us and choosing to be brave enough to go through the pain and the darkness. It is not a journey everyone wishes to embark.
How do you define your self-worth?
For the longest time, my self-worth was attached to academic achievements and the title of Doctor. Or it was attached to my physical appearance or sexuality. It took me years to discover who I really am, love who I am and own who I am.
My hope and dreams for the future are to either prevent the development of the false self through education and preventive interventions and in helping young adults step into a more mindful process of self-discovery at a younger age. I don’t think we need to wait to 35 before we realize that we may be on the wrong path or a path that is not truly aligned with our true purpose.
What are core values? What are yours?
Every experience we have creates our life story. Our thoughts about those experiences make the difference between co-creating with the Universe and living in fear.
Years ago when I started my healing journey, my therapist asked me what my values were. I was 31 and realized I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Our personal values are the guiding principles behind who we really are. Knowing them and understanding we all have them will not only guide your life and decision making, it will clue you in to why people piss you off.
Fear of narcissists
Now more than ever we live in fear of being taken advantage of by narcissistic people. Many women have had the experience of not being believed when the “amazing” man in front of them treats them like crap behind closed doors. Like these women, it would take me a long time to realize that the man I thought I was going to marry at age 28 was indeed one of these dreaded narcissists.
What helped me through the beginning part of my healing process was to discover that one of my top values is love. It has guided my career and helped with my decision making in my personal life. When I look back on that relationship, I realized I could either blame him for not meeting my needs or come to terms that my core value of love was not something shared. He was looking for a socialite and interested in his own status more than in being himself and creating a truly happy life.
Core values as life lessons and empowerment
I also have learned to not blame him. We met at a time when I was deeply hurt and grieving the loss of my grandfather, moving across the country and facing an impending lawsuit related to my grandfather’s estate. Everything was falling apart around me and my last memory of my grandfather was when he told me to marry a Jewish doctor. Six months after his death, that’s exactly who I found and boy would it be the wrong fit for me but I also was living my false self, trying to fit in and be what I was not born to be.
FInd out your core values
Today I live by my own values. I learn from the lessons the Universe provides and I am happier than ever (even if I am single). I encourage you to take the time to care about your values, learn about your core strengths, and sign up for a free mini consultation with me so we can help you figure out a path to your happiness.
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes
Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a relationship expert and licensed psychologist. She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world. Dr. Rhodes is a frequently sought media expert on the topics of seduction, sensuality, dating, divorce, and relationships. In addition to Rapport Relationships, Dr. Rhodes is the founder of Visual Arts Reimagined (VAR) where she provides services to visual artists interested in entrepreneurship and leadership.