Single and the Holidays: 3 tips to Survive and Thrive this Season

Single and the Holidays: 3 tips to Survive and Thrive this Season

Have you ever been to a holiday party where you were asked where your date was only to have to admit you didn’t have one?

The holidays can be a time when family members and other loved often over inquire about someone’s dating status. It can lead to awkward moments and often be a mood killer. So how do you actually enjoy yourself during the holiday season while not feeling like the seventh wheel at every dinner, cocktail party or office shindig when you arrive solo?

Think of every invitation is an opportunity.

Treat the holiday season as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. If you are interested in dating, be sure to tell everyone that you are looking and willing to be introduced. Many people are in a giving mood and may be more likely to make a connection during the holiday season than at another time of the year. Best of all, it gives those noisy friends and family something to do which inevitably allows you to enjoy yourself more!

Holidays may be a time for rest and relaxation.

Are you living across the country from family and your work schedule is making it difficult to travel? Use the holidays to take some time off and recharge your batteries. Read a book or stay in your pjs to watch a movie marathon. Travel solo to a warm climate. You never know when you may have this luxury again and you will feel more energized for those holiday parties, New Year’s Eve invitations and reactivation of your online dating profile!

If the holidays make you feel blue, tell trusted friends and/or family ahead of time and plan fun activities.

When people understand what your needs are or why you are feeling a certain way, many people rise to the occasion to nurture and care for you. So don’t be shy to ask for company when you are single and unattached. Getting out of the house and having a good time when you are down is helpful and often brings back your holiday cheer.

Update your Dating Profiles – You are NOT the only Single Person Looking to Date!

If you find yourself home alone and relaxing, there is no excuse not to think about your future.  Take those new photos.  Update that profile and encourage yourself to connect with others.  The holidays are actually a good time to meet someone new and you never know what might happen!

The bottom line is that the holiday season provides you with ample opportunity for reflection, nurturing yourself and preparing yourself for the right relationship. If you can tolerate the momentary awkwardness from friends, family and colleagues you may find yourself having a great time meeting new and interesting people.

Good luck and Happy Holidays!

Seduction Matters: A Woman’s Guide to Dating in San Francisco

So many women are sick and tired of dating in their current city that they actually fantasize about what it would be like to meet someone in another city.  Technology and the lowered cost of traveling have inspired many women to follow their career paths around the world.  However, few women are able to anticipate how much a city’s culture impacts the rules of dating.  It is no secret that many New York women who have been flocking to San Francisco and Silicon Valley have been quite unhappy with their dating prospects in New York.  Women in New York are used to a pick up artist mentality that places seduction in the category of over sexualized behavior rather than true sensuality.    So when these women arrive in San Francisco, there is a little bit of a culture shock.  It can be a shock that lasts for years as women contemplate where all the “good” men have gone.

Much to the contrary, men have not gone anywhere.

San Francisco and Silicon Valley have many eligible, single men looking for a real relationship.  They are not all Peter Pans avoiding commitment and they are not all gay either.  For a NY woman to be successful in her dating life in San Francisco, she is going to have to learn some seduction and dating skills to learn her new environment.  That’s right.  All the seduction and dating skills you learned in NY can go right out the window if you plan to stay in the Bay Area.

San Francisco is NOT New York.  You need to use your seduction skills to entice men to speak with you.

While New York has most definitely been ripping off the best of San Francisco (thank goodness for the better coffee), a New York attitude will not get you very far in the Bay Area.  Neither will your black wardrobe.  San Francisco is a culture based off of breaking with conventional rules, innovation and relationship building.  Then man sitting at the coffee shop in what looks like a dirty t-shirt and jeans may actually be a billionaire.  Money is not used to buy status driven material possessions (although there are a few car fanatics in the area).  Money is used to disrupt the status quo and make the world a better place.

How does a New York woman improve her chances of dating in San Francisco and Silicon Valley?

 

Learn some dating strategy and seduction skills.

New York is a move conventional dating city with more clearly defined gender roles.  San Francisco is blurry and people like it that way.  If you see someone you are interested in at a party or event, be willing to make the initial introduction or at the very least, give a signal (a warm smile, lingering eye contact) that you are indeed interested.  If you appear in a foul mood, unapproachable or too status driven, most men will not want to speak with you.  Men would rather invest their time in someone with a sunnier disposition.

Offer to split the check immediately.  

It is common convention in New York for the man to pay the bill – no questions asked.  Some men even get offended if a woman tries to hard to pay the check.  In the Bay Area, not offering will guarantee that you never see the guy again.  If you asked him out, also be willing to pick up the tab.  He will kindly reciprocate on the next date and this should not be seen as a red flag in the Bay Area.

Become the best dinner party hostess you can be.

The culture of the Bay Area is very health focused.  As such, drinking at bars and lounges does not last well into your 30s as it might in other cities.  Many people feel more comfortable at more intimate dinner parties.  The best way to work you social network is to offer to host and encourage your friends to invite new people (who are hopefully single) to your party every time.

Stop comparing San Francisco to New York.  

It is so hard for true New Yorkers to stop this behavior and I will admit that I am very much a culprit of this one.  The more that you can try to embrace your new home and not make comparisons the faster you will transition from a WTF moment to appreciating what the Bay Area has to offer.

Change your dating mindset.  

The most harmful thing that any woman does while she is single is to convince herself that there simply is a lack of eligible bachelors.  Just like with money, this poverty mindset will get you nowhere.  Try practicing noticing the number of men you pass on a daily basis.  Are you missing opportunities to connect with other?  Most of us are.  Try to be curious about other people and stay off your iPhone while walking down the street!  This is a good opportunity to learn some seduction skills.  Use it learn how to connect with men.

Figure out what you really want.  

If dating is not going swimmingly while you are in the Bay Area, use the downtime to figure out what you really want.  It is difficult to find the right person when you cannot even imagine what that life might look like.  Take advantage of San Francisco’s close proximity to Napa, Sonoma, Lake Tahoe or Big Sur and take yourself on a retreat.   The Bay Area promotes personal growth and development and you should take advantage of this while you can.

Understand that dating in this culture may leave you feeling “unfulfilled.”  

Many women complain that the men are nice enough in the Bay Area but these relationships are missing something.  While you most certainly should not settle, you may want to look into your own personality and your desires and make sure you are making healthy decisions.  A lack of drama can often be a sign of a healthy relationship.

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes speaking on seduction at the Commonwealth Club © 2016 Rikki Ward

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes speaking on seduction at the Commonwealth Club
© 2016 Rikki Ward

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes speaking on seduction at the Commonwealth Club

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes speaking on seduction at the Commonwealth Club

Seduction from a Woman’s Perspective

How Scot McKay and I Started Chatting about Seduction

 

I met Scot at the Elite Man Conference in Plymouth, Massachusetts this year.  I was immediately impressed with Scot’s presentation which went through some pretty controversial topics related to masculinity.  It was clear from our conversations and his presentation that Scot knew what women wanted and was a great teacher.  After my presentation on seduction, which many of the men were thankful that the messaging was the same, Scot approached me to be a guest on his podcast.

I never thought that I would do any work related to the topic of seduction.  However, after working with many women and also experiencing the complete lack of romance in my own dating life, I started to realize that this is an important topic to discuss.  Men and women living in urban areas have become desensitized to romance and have replaced romance, sensuality and seduction with overtly sexual behavior.   Modern women do crave to be desired and many men today seem to miss easy ways to package their interest in a sensual manner.  The consequences are not insignificant.  Missing out on the positive aspects of seduction and sensuality leads to uninspired dating.

I hope that this podcast will start a healthy conversation about what seduction really means and why it is important in all relationships.

Here is summary of what is covered in this podcast:

 

  • Has seduction in the true sense of the word  gone the way of chivalry…seemingly irrelevant in today’s post-modern feminist world?
  • Could confusion about this very topic be why men and women are having a harder time connecting these days on first dates?
  • What is seduction really about?  Why is it a necessary social skill?
  • Why do women constantly sabotage their romantic life and deprive themselves of romantic experiences with men?
  • What mistakes do men make in this area?
  • Practical tips and suggestions!
Dr. Rhodes speaking on seduction at the Elite Man Conference 2016

Seduction in Everyday Life: When your Date is Perfect

When you are living a life you love, you become infinitely more seductive to other people and less prone to being a victim of a manipulative pick up artist.  – Jennifer B. Rhodes, PsyD

Is your date playing games?

One of the complaints I hear from all of my clients is that they are tired of “game playing.” They are tired of someone’s “hot and cold” behavior, someone who comes on too strongly in the beginning and then ghosts them, or someone who does not seem to know what they want. At this stage of my work with a client, I empathize with their frustration but I also push them to understand that their date’s dating behavior is conveying useful data. In fact, it can be quite easy to deduce whether someone is really playing games or is simply scared of being in a new relationship. This information is invaluable and should guide your personal dating strategy and help you understand what seduction actually is.

The Date who Seems too Direct, Put Together, and Utterly Different

Recently, I had a conversation with a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend to date other women. He remarked that he was always very direct about his intentions and made it clear to a woman immediately that he was interested. This was indeed new behavior for him and while he was making an attempt to flirt with me, I reminded him that the Rake’s character does not falter when a women shows a lack of interest. He stopped to think and his insecurities were revealed. I knew that he never persisted with a woman in the face of unclear signals and he would not persist with me. He is a nice guy trying to figure out a new way to interact with women.

The man who is confident, direct, and makes his intentions known is considered the Rake. Women love the honesty because they are tired of anti-seductive men who complain about everything. Further, what makes the honesty work is the man’s real and intense desire to have that particular woman. Without the desire, the directness comes off a controlling. The true seductive character, however, thrives off of unclear or “yellow light” signals. As a woman, your best bet is to play hard to get. If he stops pursuing you, you will immediately see his selfish nature.    I do, however, want to be clear – there is a distinct line between a man pursuing a woman who is unsure if she wants to date him and a man pursuing a woman who is clearly communicating “don not pursue me.”  A person who pushes your boundaries when you have clearly  communicated you are not interested is not seductive and possibly dangerous.    Keep yourself safe and do not ignore obvious red flags.

The Traits of the Siren:  A Classic Feminine Seductive Character

Women can play this character as well but are more prone to display traits of a Siren. While the Rake seduces with words the Siren seduces visually. She represents the male fantasy – a highly sensual and yet self-confident woman who displays a touch of danger. Men fall for her easily and I often hear my male clients chasing down these women (rather than courting a relationship oriented woman) because they have been physically mesmerized and intrigued by her energy. To a group of men, the Siren stands apart from all the other women. She is different and easily seduces a room full of men by just being present.

Seductive Characters May Be a Distraction

When you are dating, you will likely cross paths with these characters. You will see your friends fall for the inappropriate versions of these characters.   They are the ultimate forms of distraction if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you find yourself chasing one of them, stop and ask if you are really ready for a real relationship. Falling for fantasy usually indicates some dissatisfaction with your current life. For example, highly intellectual men often fall for the Siren because they have not had much fun or lived life to the fullest extent possible. These women are filling a void and if you can recognize what is happening, you may be able to use the situation for your own personal growth rather than fall victim to these seductive characters.  The antidote to this distraction is to start living the life you want now.

Dating Coach and Seduction Expert

 

Seduction in Every Day Life: When your Date Plays “Hot and Cold”

Is your date playing games?

One of the complaints I hear from all of my clients is that they are tired of “game playing.” They are tired of someone’s “hot and cold” behavior, someone who comes on too strongly in the beginning and then ghosts them, or someone who does not seem to know what they want. At this stage of my work with a client, I empathize with their frustration but I also push them to understand that their date’s behavior is conveying useful data. In fact, it can be quite easy to deduce whether someone is really playing the manipulative game of seduction or is simply scared of being in a new relationship. This information is invaluable and should guide your personal dating strategy.

The Date who Blows “Hot and Cold”

Common conventional dating advice highlights this strategy as emotionally immature. It certainly may be. However, this strategy has long been used as a tool of seduction to increase attraction and desire. In today’s modern dating culture, there are many people who may employ its use on purpose while there are others that simply have no idea what they are doing. I have experienced this first hand and can sympathize with my clients about how frustrating it is – that is until you take your emotions out of the equation. This tool is employed by someone whose character is more of a Coquette who is trying to frustrate you on purpose and only offers a glimmer of hope for happiness, pleasure and perhaps power. This date wants you to chase him or her and it is this game that he or she enjoys immensely.

If you know that your date wants you to chase them AND you can begin to separate your emotions from the situation, you will realize that there are two potential reasons for your dates behavior: He or she is sophisticated enough to do this on purpose OR he does not know what he wants.

What is the Solution for Handling this Type of Seductive Behavior?

The solution? Date other people and do not chase him or her. If he or she is simply confused or scared your absence will likely invite them to stop playing games and ask you what is going on.   This is especially important for women as we tend to fall for these games more often than not. If you stop pursuing and he comes around, it is okay to confront the behavior. Any sign of defensiveness rather than an apology should give you the data you need to know that this person is not looking for a serious relationship. Once you have that data, you may choose whether to continue to enjoy the game playing or move on.

Many of my clients know that I spend much of my time dancing. It is not unheard of in the Latin dance community for men to use their dance skills to try to pick up women.  While there have been many happy couples forged through their love of dance, it is also the place where I personally learned about the man who “blows hot and cold.” These men are usually attractive, have good dance skills and seem aloof and mysterious. You do not find them speaking to many other people and there is usually a ton of chemistry exuded in the beginning. Did I fall “victim” to one of these guys. Probably.  Yet,  I continue to enjoy the game to this day. Once I figured out that he was playing, I cut out my emotions from our interactions. Every once in awhile they resurface and I remind myself that I am human. It happens when you see someone on a regular basis.

Why Cultivating a Life your Love is Key

What this person does not know is that I have done a good job cultivating real friendships and relationships in our shared community. Both men and women contact me to share information about this person and it has helped me stay grounded in my conviction that I will never chase him nor will I fall for him. In this way, I can enjoy the flirtatious behavior on the dance floor and not worry about anything else. Understanding his behavior has given me the freedom to just be myself.  The unintended but wonderful consequence is that freedom makes me highly attractive to all the other men in our community as well.

Tips for Navigating your Date’s “Hot and Cold” Behavior

If you have been experiencing the pain of dealing with someone who goes “hot and cold,” sign up for top 10 tips on handling this behavior!

 

 

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Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a dating coach and seduction expert.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  She a dating coach based in NYC and a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, dating, divorce, and relationships.

Guest Post by Claudia Cox: Hey Guys, Thinking About Sexting? Don’t!

This is a public service announcement to all the testosterone charged males out there – Stop sexting women you hardly know.

 

(And we know you are out there.)

Are you pondering about the fabulously original and innocent idea of sexting? Or being uber-flirty with someone you hardly know?

Seriously, stop, drop your phone and read on.

I’m going to throw out some personal experience with you today that has me FUMING. Recently a guy that I thought was a friend, and who I have never even met in person, sent me a series of overly sexual messages.

Obviously, I have a thing for flirty text messages, seduction and all that…or I wouldn’t have created my website or been writing about it for the last 4 years.

But…do I have a thing for unsolicited sexual messages?

F#$k no!

Did his texts turn me on?

Did they make me want to throw my clothes on the floor and do all the crazy things he suggested?

Did his frequent phone calls in the middle of the night (that I would only see the next morning because hey, I value my sleep) make my heart race?

No, no, no!

His messages pissed me off.

His creepy phone calls made me think – needy loser, who the hell makes a booty call from another country at 4 am? Has he confused me with a sex phone chat line or something? Is he really that stupid or in need?

You know what he managed to do?

Go from someone I genuinely liked and felt a connection with, to someone that I disliked.

Why?

Because he disrespected me. He destroyed any chances of us ever dating or even meeting each other in person. I mean, if a guy can’t control himself over text, what the heck is going to happen when we are face to face? It made me nervous to say the least.

So what’s the moral of the story?

It’s simple. Even if she has a nice profile photo that makes you drool with excitement, she seems “chill”, cracks funny jokes, calls you cute names…it still doesn’t give you permission to send her super sexy texts and say things to her like “I want to f you” or “I want a BJ” or anything else.

Because the answer is NO.

The desire is nada.

And you have just etched your face in the douchebag hall of fame.

Go out and buy a blow up doll.

Start a journal.

Call one of your friends and talk about chicks.

Buy a poster of some bikini clad bimbo at Wal-Mart.

But whatever you do, don’t sext random girls or some girl you haven’t even met.

While you’re at it, don’t text an ex-girlfriend and start throwing crap out there either. Keep it all in your pants…your cell phone and…well, you know.

Sorry to disappoint.

Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox

Founder of Text Weapon

Claudia is the creator of Text Weapon, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She is passionate about modern communication and loves helping people improve their relationships through flirty texting. To read more by Claudia, visit Text Weapon . Don’t forget to signup for the FREE Texting Club trial with over 300 messages. You can also hit her up on Twitter