It has happened to me many times.  You meet someone two or three weeks before your birthday and awkwardness ensues as each person tries to navigate the expectations of an upcoming birthday before you are an official couple.  To make matters worse, men and women often have very different views of the importance of a birthday which can lead to major miscommunication and hurt feelings.

So, in an attempt for men everywhere to learn from my recent experience with a date failing to be appropriate around my birthday, here are the top 5 tips to handle a birthday like a classy gentleman.  Trust me, she is watching your behavior around this issue very carefully and the last thing you want to do is give her a reason to bad mouth you to everyone!

Birthdays are special occasions that require acknowledgement – Period

I know that many men will say they don’t celebrate their own birthdays.  Women think differently.  If you would wish a virtual stranger on Facebook a happy birthday, then you need to acknowledge your date’s birthday in some way.  Even if you have only been on a couple of dates, it is appropriate and not pushy to check in, wish your date well, and tell her to enjoy her birthday.

On the other hand, if you want to piss a woman off, wait until 6pm to call or text her on her birthday.  Or simply ignore it. Trust me, she has been mad at you since 10am waiting for your text message to come through.  If you are interested in continuing to date her, make sure to SCHEDULE the freaking happy birthday text message the night before so she receives it sometime in the morning.  It will make you look like a hero.

What Not to Do:  My recent date was on an email chain the day before with mutual friends.  Everyone else wished me a Happy Birthday but no email was sent from the date.  This is simply just rude behavior and makes your mutual friends feel awkward.  Rudeness is not sexy.  Pretending to ignore the issue makes you look like as ass.  Don’t be an ass.

Again, you never, ever want to give anyone, let alone a date, any reason to tell other people that you are anything other than a complete gentleman.  This is the definition of being anti-seductive to a woman

Ask ahead of time how your date will be spending her birthday

If you know it is coming, go ahead and simply inquire about her plans. She may tell you she is doing a girls dinner, spending time with family/friends, or taking off to travel.  Asking does not imply that you are to be responsible for her birthday – it is simple common courtesy and a good way to learn more about her.  Based on her answer and how you want to proceed with dating her, you can then plan AHEAD of time a plan to deal with her impending birthday.

What Not to Do:  Don’t freak out, avoid, be too casual or in any way do something stupid that she may misinterpret as not caring. Don’t be like my date who said he would call but never did or “blow hot and cold.”  Don’t be the date who verbal vomits his issues when he should be focusing on making sure his is taken care of on her special day.

She doesn’t care about the 47 things you had to do earlier in the day and will be far more sensitive around her birthday about you asking about her.  Again, being self-involved is anti-seductive.

Offer to take her on a date before or after her actual birthday

 Based on what you find out regarding how she will spend her birthday, you can then ask for a date before or after her birthday to take her out for a casual meal or do something a little bit different.  If you just started dating, it is not a requirement to splurge on an expensive mean.  Many women prefer a man who simply put thought into the planning of the date.  Activity dates can be great ideas for birthdays as they help with the potential pressure that may ensue when two new people get together around this special time.

What not to do: Avoid.  She expects you to take the lead so please don’t keep texting her for a week or two with no intention of getting together.  It wastes everyone’s time.

If you are really interested in her, a card, flowers or a very small, thoughtful gift is appropriate on the day/night of your date

This one depends on where you are in your own life, what it is you are looking for and how many dates you have been on.  However, if you are seriously interested in this woman, think about making sure you make a romantic gesture that show you are there to stand apart from her guy friends.  Trust me – all her guy friends will be there to buy her flowers, cards, and be a shoulder to cry on if you mess this up. They will also become your enemies if you disappoint her in any way.

Birthdays are opportunities to showcase the best of your seduction, sensuality, and overall dating skills.  Do not wast the opportunity by being selfish.

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a dating coach and seduction expert.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  She a dating coach based in NYC and a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, dating, divorce, and relationships.

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