The 3 Steps for a Successful Dating Detox

The 3 Steps for a Successful Dating Detox

What is a Dating Detox?

Let’s face it.  We all get incredibly frustrated with dating.  Nothing can cause more pain and frustration than the disappointment of another relationship not working out.  Yet, if you stay aware, you may be noticing that there are repeated patterns of behavior occurring.  Perhaps you’ve had a year of zero first dates turning into second dates.  Or you continue to be attracted to narcissistic men.  Perhaps you have a thing for emotionally unavailable women.  Whatever the pattern is, you have to take some time to pay attention to the message it is trying to send to you.  A dating detox can be a wonderful way to get back on track and cultivate a positive mindset!

A dating detox is a mindful decision to take time for yourself and to reflect on what is not working.  It is also an opportunity for you to really think about what it is that you want and to take care of yourself enough to be fully present in the dating world.

We Generally have Negative Mindsets When We are Burnt Out

I know that this past holiday season was a rough one for my own mindset.  Being burnt out and then needing to show up for family was a recipe for getting sick and being exhausted.  However, most people fight the need to rest.  I made a choice to give in and rest this holiday season.  I am so glad I did!  It provided me with uninterrupted time to really think through what it is that I want in all aspects of my life and helped me successfully transform my own dating strategy.

You cannot attract the type of person or enjoy the process of dating when you are burnt out or emotionally unbalanced. Watch the video below to learn more about what a dating detox actually is and how you can start the process of recovery now!!

Learn about the 3 Steps of a Dating Detox

Interested in learning more about a dating detox? Wondering if you need one or how to start your own?  We are hosting a live webinar on January 9th at 12pm EST.  Join us!!

Register for FREE Now!
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a relationship expert and licensed psychologist.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  Dr. Rhodes is a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, sensuality,  dating, divorce, and relationships.

Are you in the right dating mindset?

Are you in the right dating mindset?

One of the biggest issues I deal with when screening new clients is hearing about their perceptions and mindset of why they are single.   Unfortunately, there are often more perils and complaints than discussion of how great dating in New York is.  One of the women I spoke with recently is absolutely gorgeous, in her mid-40s, highly educated but very over the dating scene.   Does this sound like you or someone you know?  There seems to be a plethora of smart, beautiful and single women in many major US cities but women seem to blame themselves more than men do.

Women Generally have Negative Mindsets

When asked about her dating life and why she believed she was single, I noticed her negative mindset right away.  Her story focused on her perception that men have been intimidated by her graduate degree.  She explained that while she has been open to meeting lots of people, she has always felt bored.  In an abbreviated initial consultation, here is what we discovered about her:

  • She is an explorer at heart.  This amazing woman has traveled extensively and values the experiences she has gained from these adventures.
  • She is physically fit and cares about her health.  As a triathlete she would like to share this experience with someone but when it comes to dating, she does not want to go on a date to a SoulCycle class or go for run.  She loses interest in men who suggest this early on.
  • Her career is in the helping professions.  This means she is a great listener.  Perhaps to a fault.

However, her version of the details above looks something like this:  I’m too old to date in NYC.  I am doing something wrong.  Men only want to date younger women.  All the good men are married.  

Research Predicts that Gratitude Increases Relationship Satisfaction

We have learned from years of research that your mindset and perception of other people will determine your overall relationship satisfaction.  A recent study by Kashdan (2017) found those who expressed more gratitude had higher levels of relationship satisfaction, commitment, investment, intimacy, self-expansion, and support for goal pursuit.

You do not need to wait to be in a relationship to begin to express gratitude.  You can express gratitude while you are still single and dating.

A Rapport Consultation Can Adjust your Mindset Quickly

Here is what we did in her consultation to help confront the myths that are holding her back in her dating life:

  • I’m too old to date in NYC became, “I valued myself enough to learn and experience life so I could become a great partner.” This woman needs to find someone who values self development as much as she does.
  • I am doing something wrong became look at all the things I have done right.  For her, men are constantly asking her out.  She may not be interested but expressing gratitude when provided the opportunity for a date helped her see her dating strengths.  
  • Men only want to date younger women became some men like to date younger women and other men want a partner.  Age is not the issue.  Finding someone at the same emotional and intellectual level is the goal.  
  • All the good men are married became a list of all the amazing men she knows above 45 who are single and a reminder of how many of her friends, who are all amazing, became single at different ages due to divorce or death of a spouse.   

What our Culture tells Women

When we started confronting her thoughts, she immediately felt an increase in her self-confidence.  This led to an honest discussion of the culture around her and how this was affecting her mindset.  Understanding her own needs, not NYC cultural needs led her to accept that she needs someone who shares her explorer traits.  Understanding how much our culture shames women who are non-traditional also helped her regain her confidence.  Owning her own fear of committing to the wrong person and empowering her to make mistakes and try anyway helped make the boredom disappear.

In one hour, we helped this woman change her dating life.  She decided to go on a date with a younger man who peaked her interest.  

Why Mindset Matters

While it is not always so easy for everyone the one thing we have the power to change is our mindset related to dating.   We all miss opportunities to meet people who can connect us to a romantic interest every day.  Are you missing out on these opportunities?

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a relationship expert and licensed psychologist.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  Dr. Rhodes is a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, sensuality,  dating, divorce, and relationships.

Birthday Dating Etiquette for Men

Birthday Dating Etiquette for Men

It has happened to me many times.  You meet someone two or three weeks before your birthday and awkwardness ensues as each person tries to navigate the expectations of an upcoming birthday before you are an official couple.  To make matters worse, men and women often have very different views of the importance of a birthday which can lead to major miscommunication and hurt feelings.

So, in an attempt for men everywhere to learn from my recent experience with a date failing to be appropriate around my birthday, here are the top 5 tips to handle a birthday like a classy gentleman.  Trust me, she is watching your behavior around this issue very carefully and the last thing you want to do is give her a reason to bad mouth you to everyone!

Birthdays are special occasions that require acknowledgement – Period

I know that many men will say they don’t celebrate their own birthdays.  Women think differently.  If you would wish a virtual stranger on Facebook a happy birthday, then you need to acknowledge your date’s birthday in some way.  Even if you have only been on a couple of dates, it is appropriate and not pushy to check in, wish your date well, and tell her to enjoy her birthday.

On the other hand, if you want to piss a woman off, wait until 6pm to call or text her on her birthday.  Or simply ignore it. Trust me, she has been mad at you since 10am waiting for your text message to come through.  If you are interested in continuing to date her, make sure to SCHEDULE the freaking happy birthday text message the night before so she receives it sometime in the morning.  It will make you look like a hero.

What Not to Do:  My recent date was on an email chain the day before with mutual friends.  Everyone else wished me a Happy Birthday but no email was sent from the date.  This is simply just rude behavior and makes your mutual friends feel awkward.  Rudeness is not sexy.  Pretending to ignore the issue makes you look like as ass.  Don’t be an ass.

Again, you never, ever want to give anyone, let alone a date, any reason to tell other people that you are anything other than a complete gentleman.  This is the definition of being anti-seductive to a woman

Ask ahead of time how your date will be spending her birthday

If you know it is coming, go ahead and simply inquire about her plans. She may tell you she is doing a girls dinner, spending time with family/friends, or taking off to travel.  Asking does not imply that you are to be responsible for her birthday – it is simple common courtesy and a good way to learn more about her.  Based on her answer and how you want to proceed with dating her, you can then plan AHEAD of time a plan to deal with her impending birthday.

What Not to Do:  Don’t freak out, avoid, be too casual or in any way do something stupid that she may misinterpret as not caring. Don’t be like my date who said he would call but never did or “blow hot and cold.”  Don’t be the date who verbal vomits his issues when he should be focusing on making sure his is taken care of on her special day.

She doesn’t care about the 47 things you had to do earlier in the day and will be far more sensitive around her birthday about you asking about her.  Again, being self-involved is anti-seductive.

Offer to take her on a date before or after her actual birthday

 Based on what you find out regarding how she will spend her birthday, you can then ask for a date before or after her birthday to take her out for a casual meal or do something a little bit different.  If you just started dating, it is not a requirement to splurge on an expensive mean.  Many women prefer a man who simply put thought into the planning of the date.  Activity dates can be great ideas for birthdays as they help with the potential pressure that may ensue when two new people get together around this special time.

What not to do: Avoid.  She expects you to take the lead so please don’t keep texting her for a week or two with no intention of getting together.  It wastes everyone’s time.

If you are really interested in her, a card, flowers or a very small, thoughtful gift is appropriate on the day/night of your date

This one depends on where you are in your own life, what it is you are looking for and how many dates you have been on.  However, if you are seriously interested in this woman, think about making sure you make a romantic gesture that show you are there to stand apart from her guy friends.  Trust me – all her guy friends will be there to buy her flowers, cards, and be a shoulder to cry on if you mess this up. They will also become your enemies if you disappoint her in any way.

Birthdays are opportunities to showcase the best of your seduction, sensuality, and overall dating skills.  Do not wast the opportunity by being selfish.

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes

Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships

Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a dating coach and seduction expert.  She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world.  She a dating coach based in NYC and a frequently sought out media expert on the topics of seduction, dating, divorce, and relationships.

Lydia’s Advice: Do Online Dating Apps Make us Too Picky?

What Does “Picky” Really Mean When it Comes to using your Dating Apps?

 

In regards to dating, the word “picky” is open to two interpretations: 1) Quick to judge, and 2) Having standards and deal breakers.

 

Both have their pros and cons when it comes to turning on your dating apps.

On the one hand, we don’t want to waste our time on someone we know we aren’t going to like very much. But, on the other hand, we might overlook a great catch based on a superficial reason (especially in the 500-character, swipe left/right environment).

More often than not I bet we are all too SUPERFICIALLY picky, and if that’s the case, a little self-awareness could help us determine whether or not we are passing over a great opportunity for a superficial reason.

 

Want to know if you’re too picky? Let’s find out.

What type of “picky” are you?

Are you the judgmental one or the high standards one? Little bit of both? No matter which you are, you might also be the one who doesn’t want Mr. Right to pass you by. So, what do you do about it?  I suggest really and truly thinking about what it is you desire before you swipe left or right.  If you have a list a mile long of absolute deal breakers – you are being superficially too picky!!  Try to use the following questions to help you pick you top 3.

What are your intentions?

Do you want to meet as many people as you can and just “have a good time” or, do you I want to find someone with whom you hope to build a genuine long-term connection?  You have to know what you want in order to find him or her!

Who have you dated before?

What did you like about that person and what didn’t you like? What did you like about yourself while with them and what didn’t you like? What ended up not bothering you about that person that you thought would bother you? What did bother you about that person that you thought wouldn’t?

What are your core values?

Do you value brains over brawn? Do you value having casual contact instead of genuine friendship? Do you value being treated with respect over being with someone you consider to have a perfect body? Do you value sex over companionship and friendship? How do you want to be judged by them? What do you consider valuable about yourself and what do you REALLY want in a partner?  So many people do not know the answer to this question and without it you WILL default to superficial pickiness as a way of handling all of the online options.  Take the time to find out who you are so you know what you want!

Lydia’s Wisdom:

Once you start to figure out the answers to these questions you’ll get closer to picking the right guy in the dating pool line up. The beauty of online dating is that there is always someone else. It doesn’t work out with one person, re-evaluate all the above, log back on, and look for the one who is going to make you truly happy.

Behind a dating profile is an actual real person, give him a chance. You never know. – Lydia Kociuba, MS

Lydia Kociuba, M.S.

Lydia Kociuba, M.S.

Lead Online Dating Consultant

Lydia Kociuba, M.S. has an eclectic background in world travel, counseling, data research, and creative writing. Having lived and traveled abroad she has valuable knowledge and insight into culture and human nature. Her experiences along with her education in counseling have complemented her natural ability to be open-minded and accepting of others. As a hobby creative writer she recently began her own business writing online dating profiles. As a seasoned online dater herself she knows what it takes to have a profile stand out in a crowd.  Lydia received her masters degree in counseling from the University of Rochester, Margaret Warner Graduate School of Education and Human Development.

Lydia is currently Rapport’s lead online dating consultant.  She can be reached at Lydia@RapportRelationships.com.

Holly’s Advice:  How Many Chocolate Covered Strawberries can I eat on Date Night?!

Holly’s Advice: How Many Chocolate Covered Strawberries can I eat on Date Night?!

I  was recently asked in regard to an aphrodisiac date night, “How many chocolate covered strawberries with whipped cream can one eat without getting tired?”  Smiling with this question, I’d love to give a serious answer so you can enjoy dessert AND the night!  🙂

The precise answer is unique to each person. However there are a few principles to understand which will guide you to find the answer that works for you to make your date night as energetic as you desire for it to be.

Principle #1: Nothing Goes Solo – Especially Carbs!

Eating carbohydrates (carbs), notably simple (not whole grains or straight sugar) completely for a meal, such as having a donught for breakfast or pasta for dinner, causes a rapid spike in blood sugar. This then triggers our body to quickly respond to ‘balance’ the blood sugar -causing a crash in energy.  We will experience a pleasurable sense of soothing and perhaps surge of energy when we first eat, followed soon by an unpleasurable energy crash, which feels like being tired, starving and maybe irritable.  NONE of which lend inself to increased energy, attraction or intillectual stimulation to enhance the vibe of the evening.

Carbohydrates also contribute to the creation of serotonin, which is known as a “happy hormone”. It triggers a more content and relaxed mood (hense the initial pleasure feeling as mentioned above) and is why it is associated with the term “comfort food”.  Even if you eat healthy, good, whole grain carbohydrates, you may feel more content with making it an early night then heating it up and heading for….strawberries.

Principle #2:  Avoid eating too much.

After a large heavy meal blood and energy is centered around the digestive process and thus depleting energy elsewhere, including the brain.  This equals less energy everywhere else. Remember too much of a good thing, is still too much.

Principle #3: Mixed meals are essential for feeling satisfied and avoiding the sleep inducing blood sugar spikes.

I am a proponent of a balanced meal.  Each macronutrient  (protein, fat and carbs) has high value and there is some sense of loss when one is missing.  Carbs and fat stimulate satiety. Carbs are your body’s favorite source of energy so it works well to keep energy going especially when that nasty spike is elimintated by combining it with other nutrients.

Fat, among many other things, helps slow the digestive process which helps you feel fuller longer, and also helps regulate the rate at which carbohydrates enter the blood.

Protein stimulates more energy and does not cause the peaks and crashes associated with carbs.

So, for best results of balance, fullness and optimal energy, think about having each nutient source each time you eat. 

Principle #4: Pace yourself!

Aside from the fact that shoveling food in your mouth is generally not that attractive, it is not functional for your needs either.   You are far more likely..in fact almost guaranteed to overeat, if you eat too fast.  It takes approximately 20 minutes for your body to process you’ve eaten enough.  Therefore, eating a lot very fast will leave you feeling painfully and sluggish…need I say more?

 

THE SOLUTION:

  • Techically a serving of fruit is a half cup, so if I had to put a number on the optimal amount for most people I would say three pieces.
  • Don’t just eat the strawberries with whipped cream and chocolate! Back up and eat the right dinner.
  • The ‘Right Dinner’ = Mix the meal! Since your dessert is carbs and you don’t want to get sleepy, have a lean, high protein dinner with vegetables. If you don’t have a say in dinner, just don’t overeat.
  • Eat slowly, savor EVERYTHING! The moment, the company, the conversation, the meal, the bite! Do this and you’ll hit the sweet spot of perfectly satisfied and energized!
Holly L. Goroff MS, RD, CDN

Holly L. Goroff MS, RD, CDN

Nutritional Consultant

Holly’s approach is likely something you’ve never heard before.  She helps her clients achieve their nutrition and wellness goals by exposing their competing priorities and creating an enjoyable plan for informed decision making.  She believes that future success comes from the accumulation of successes in the present moment – which makes long-term and short-term goals in life and health equally relevant.

In your time with Holly, you will corporately design an eating and wellness style that works for your life and goals specifically. No set diets, no set diet plans.

Holly uses her Master’s in Food and Nutrition Studies along with practical experience with clients over the past 8 years to promote balance without sacrificing the love of food and enjoyment of eating.  She believes where there is a want there is a way.  

Holly may be contacted at Holly@RapportRelationships.com.

The Health of any TWO first starts with the health of any ONE.