You’ve heard it before – you attract what you are. Yet, sometimes you have been working so hard on yourself that you believe there is something wrong with someone else!
Many women attract narcissistic men for a reason (and vice versa). These individuals have charming persistence, drive, ambition, and can be a lot of fun in the beginning. We are often attracted to them because they make us feel whole. Their “confidence” makes us feel stronger and safe. As the process of disillusionment starts, however, the tables turn and you find yourself in front of a man who blames you for waking up in the morning.
Yes, these people lack empathy and are challenging. Yes, they have their own work to do. The problem is that if we simply judge and blame the narcissist or the toxic person, we miss the bigger picture.
The Universe has sent them to you as an opportunity for you to learn to say no, set proper boundaries or to stop giving too much of yourself.
But we often don’t see it that way. Instead, we blame ourselves, call ourselves a failure, believe the abuse and can’t see how messed up the other person may be. Yet, the toxic person knows, perhaps unconciously, that if you ever figure out what was really going on, you would leave and demand more for yourself.
So in the meantime, they will feed off of your energy. They start showing up at work, in your personal life, and even walking down the street. You try to get rid of them one at a time but a new one finds you!
WTF is going on?! It’s a sign to dig deeper and do some serious self-growth work. At our core, those of us who attract these types of personalities may feel empty, lonely, and abandoned. We may have childhood wounds that were never fully healed or we are simply looking for distractions to keep going.
In these moments, it is best to take a step back and commit to your own self-care. It may mean you need to go to therapy, find an energy healer, or make some lifestyle changes. Whatever it is, there is probably things from your past that are making you vulnerable.
Doing your healing work is not easy. The journey may be a long one but warriors never had it easy. A journey means over-coming adversary to be stronger. If we start thinking about these toxic personalities as simply opportunities for growth, their behavior is less personal. We can let go of judgment of our self and surrender to the lessons that need to be learned.
And yes, narcissists love empathic people. Empaths often run away from anger but anger on their part is often a sign to you that you are not being controlled by them. Let them be angry and you step away to heal.
You are not alone. So many of us have worked through these challenges. If you need support, reach out!
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes
Licensed Psychologist and Founder of Rapport Relationships
Dr. Jennifer Rhodes is a relationship expert and licensed psychologist. She provides dating strategy, consultation, and date coaching services to clients all over the world. Dr. Rhodes is a frequently sought media expert on the topics of seduction, sensuality, dating, divorce, and relationships. In addition to Rapport Relationships, Dr. Rhodes is the founder of Visual Arts Reimagined (VAR) where she provides services to visual artists interested in entrepreneurship and leadership.